Sometimes I dream
by Tan-is-a-fan
Summary: Lindsey's love for Darla leads him to some very bad decisions and a crisis of faith, but does she at least return his feelings? Follows the events of season 2 up to Epiphany (chapter 4 of 10 up).
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Sometimes I dream**

_Rating: PG13  
__Warnings: We've all seen the show, and since this story follows the actual storyline, you already know it's not gonna have a happy ending, so be aware of that :).  
__Pairing: Pure, unadulterated Lindsey/Darla  
__Summary: The story runs from 'To Shanshu in L.A.' (season 1 finale) to a little after 'Epiphany' (2.16). It basically follows the events on the show but with a little extra sparkage, hehe.  
__Spoilers: Angel seasons 1, 2 and 3 up to Heartthrob.  
__Thanks: to my beta Purplecat and to CCke and leentje for putting up with my ramblings and obsessions.  
__A/N: Every chapter will have the title of the episode it's closest to, so the chapter titles usually have very little to do with the storyline, just with the time frame. Also, it's been a while since I watched season 2, so please point out continuity slip-ups and things like that, alright?  
__Feedback: will be adored and nuzzled to death.  
__Archived: at PC's Palace and Anywhere else, let me know so I can rejoice!_

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

The soft rap of his knuckles on the bedroom door woke Darla from her troubled sleep. She kept her eyes closed and listened to the click of the door handle, followed by his footsteps on the wooden floor panels.

"Darla?" Lindsey said. The southern accent echoed in her ears. "Are you awake?" For a second she didn't react. Then, she rolled onto her back.

"Yes." Even now, nearly two weeks after she'd been brought back from the dead by Wolfram Hart, her own voice sounded strange and unnatural to her. She resisted the overwhelming urge to crawl under the warm covers and close her eyes, and looked at him. He looked worried.

"Holland Manners wants you to come in today. I guess the Senior Partners are going to want to meet you soon," Lindsey continued. He wanted to sit down and tell her that she didn't have to go if she didn't want to, but he realized that it wouldn't come over. He knew that they didn't have a choice in the matter; and he was sure that even though she'd only been alive again for two weeks, Darla knew, too.

"Okay." Her voice was soft, resigned, and once again he was amazed at how different she was from how everyone had described her. She wasn't a monster, just a scared young woman. But then, she'd been dead for several years _and_ she was human now. The shock of coming back would've been enough to kill most people, Holland had told him when she sat there, huddled in a corner of the steel cage in the middle of the ritual space. "Then why do it, Holland?" he'd asked when he saw how scared she was. Holland had simply given him a small smile that seemed to say 'if you were a decent lawyer, you wouldn't be asking me that'.

Lindsey shook off the feelings of incompetence Holland Manners always brought up in him, and focused on the small blonde figure in the king-sized bed.

"There's breakfast in the kitchen when you're ready," he said simply before walking back out and into the kitchen of his large apartment.

When Darla walked into the room fifteen minutes later, dressed in the black skirt and red top he'd laid out for her, Lindsey was sitting at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of coffee and the morning paper in front of him. He looked up and smiled at her. She hadn't seen him smile before, she thought.

_He has a nice smile._

"You hungry?" he said, getting up and walking over to the counter to pick up a pan with bacon and eggs sizzling in them.

"No I'm fine, I'll just take some coffee," she said. Lindsey put the pan back down, and Darla tried to study his expression as he walked back to his seat. For two weeks now, he'd been making breakfast every day, and every day she'd turned it down, but if he was feeling even the slightest bit annoyed or disappointed, he didn't let it show.

Darla poured the steaming black liquid in an expensive-looking mug and sat down across the table from him. Neither of them talked as he read the paper while she took small sips of her coffee and studied his face. She was sure he could feel her looking at him, but he didn't flinch. Finally, she put down her mug.

"Lindsey." He nearly shivered when he heard the sadness with which she said his name. "This meeting with the Senior Partners…" she said, and watched him fold up his paper and look at her.

"Yeah?"

"Are they going to tell me… why they brought me back?" Lindsey leaned back in his chair and rushed his good hand through his hair.

"I don't know what they're gonna say. It's possible."

"Do _you_ know why they brought me back, Lindsey?"

_Stop saying my name like that_, he thought, avoiding those questioning eyes by staring at the headlines of his folded-up paper. Finally, he felt he had the courage to look at her again.

"No," he said simply. "I don't know what they're planning and I'd prefer not to say anything unless I'm sure. I am a lawyer after all." A small smile tugged at her lips. "But I have an idea," he continued. She nodded.

"Angel." The name floated through the room. This time it was his turn to nod. He wished desparately that she wouldn't start talking about the vampire.

"Yeah. Angel… But like I said, I'm not in on the plan. Not yet at least," he added, eager to change the subject.

"Would you lie to me?" she replied. Her voice was still soft, but already she sounded less insecure than just fifteen seconds ago.

"No, I wouldn't." His answer came out much quicker and more truthful than he would have liked. She looked at the table top, her little smile softening her features even more.

"Would you tell me if you _did_ know?"

Before he could stop himself, his hand reached across the table and cupped her cheek, lifting up her chin so their eyes met.

"Yeah. I would…" For a couple of seconds she stared at him, surprised at the emotion showing in his eyes. Then his hand fell back onto the table and he pushed his chair back with a jolt and got up.

"We should get to the office. We're already late," he said, and she looked at him as he started packing his briefcase with his good hand.

-

TBC


	2. Chapter 2: Judgement

**Chapter 2: Judgement**

"It's a beautiful day outside." They were in Lindsey's office and Lilah was talking to her in a kind voice that sounded very fake. Lindsey let out an annoyed breath.

"Lilah, shut up. She's not a child. She's 400 years old," he said. Darla smiled at Lindsey's protective comment –or maybe she was smiling because of the music, he wasn't sure.

"Hmm, the prelude," she said in what was barely more than a whisper. The notes took her back to the good old days… Lindsey inhaled a sharp breath.

"In C-minor. The preludes and the nocturnes," he added. Darla opened her eyes again. After two months, he knew exactly what she liked.

"So much better than the waltzes. - He had consumption."

"And died way too soon. A lot of that going around," he said slowly as his piercing eyes locked with hers. She wanted to smile, but instead she drew in a deep breath when she suddenly felt a familiar presence.

"Hm. He's here."

"Chopin?" Lilah looked confused.

"Angel. He's here in town. You can feel him," Lindsey said.

"Always could…" Darla said slowly. She could feel his presence running through her veins, just like before, and a contented smile crept onto her lips.

"He hasn't been much of a help to us," Lindsey continued when he saw that she looked happy. She wasn't supposed to be happy when she thought of Angel. The blonde looked at him and the memory of her death suddenly flickered before her eyes.

"He killed me." Darla laughed. "I remember now - with a soul in his heart." Lindsey looked reassured and nodded.

"He's taken from both of us - so when you feel ready - we'll start thinking about giving a little back."

"Angel - it's been a long time. I'd love to see that boy," she muttered, mostly to herself. She closed her eyes and started to hum along with the music, letting it fill her head as Chopin slowly began to drown out most of the chatter in the room and in her head.

Lilah was looking around the office with a disapproving glint in her eyes. Lindsey looked at her with a frown and signalled her to follow her into a corner of the office

"Why have you got all the curtains pulled? You _do_ know she's human now, don't you?" the brunette said as she followed her colleague.

"She hasn't seen sunlight for over 4 centuries, Lilah. I think we should ease her in to the whole California weather and climate, that's all."

"Whatever you say partner," she replied with a shrug that made clear what Lindsey had known for a long time: that she didn't particularly care for anyone or anything. _She's definitely in the right city_, he thought to himself.

"Lilah, can I talk to you for a second?" he said with a sigh. "Are you sure we should start to bring Angel into all of this already? Darla's still recovering, maybe we should give her some more time," he said, glancing at Darla who was humming along with the music, eyes closed. Lilah's eyebrows soared.

"Are _you_ sure it's a good idea to let her stay with you?" she shot back.

"Why, d'you think your place is more comfortable, Lilah?" he replied with a straight face. "She trusts me and I'd like to keep it that way. The Senior Partners decided that she's my responsibility and that I should house her, so I am. I don't really feel like letting down the Senior Partners."

"Right," Lilah said dryly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lindsey replied defensively.

"Nothing. But cut the bullshit, Lindsey. Try not to forget that we had her return for a reason. Don't your let your vision on the mission be clouded by some doe-eyed little blonde. I'm just saying…"

"Grey."

"What?"

"Her eyes. 'Doe-eyed' is used for big brown eyes. Darla's eyes are grey."

"Oh for the love of…" Lilah said and let out an exasperated sigh. A smile started to tug at Lindsey's lips.

"You really seem all too interested, Lilah. You're not jealous, are you?" he said, an eyebrow raised. His colleague just rolled her eyes.

"Oh get over yourself Lindsey. I'll see you in half an hour," she said. When she saw the blank look on his face, she let out another sigh. "For the 11 o'clock briefing? Honestly." She gave him a look that said 'this is exactly what I mean'. Without giving either of them a second glance she walked out, and with a casual 'Bye Darla', she closed the door behind her.

-

Lilah, Holland and the others looked up when Lindsey strode into the conference room. He looked at the people – and other creatures – that sat around the large oak table. Most of them looked unfamiliar. They probably came from other floors, divisions or dimensions; he didn't really know – or care.

"Lindsey McDonald. Sorry I'm late," he said business-like while he put his briefcase on the conference table and tried to open it smoothly with one hand. When he didn't succeed straightaway, he sat down in one of the leather chairs and set the case down on the ground next to him.

"Glad you could join us, Lindsey," Lilah said with a smirk. "And how is our guest doing?" Lindsey did his best not to glare and flashed her a small smile.

"As well as can be expected. I can imagine that Darla's health, however, is not the subject of this briefing, so maybe we should get down to business?" The lawyers and demons at the table nodded approvingly, and so did Holland Manners. Lilah, at her end of the table, didn't bother trying not to glare. Her look shot daggers at him, and Lindsey grinned inwardly.

_I do love rattling that woman's chains_.

"Angel is becoming a serious liability," Holland stated matter-of-factly while he began to shuffle some of the papers in front of him. "He's taken down every hitman or woman we've contracted, including a vampire Slayer. Over the course of the last two months, he's killed twelve of Wolfram and Hart's important clients, like Ganchok Miller- "

"The necromancer?" an Ursil demon near the head of the table asked, a shocked look on his warty face.

"-And one of our biggest clients. This morning our Seers have informed us that Angel's starting to interfere with a young woman and her protector, who is her champion for the Tribunal. I'm sure everyone here understands that we can't have the vampire interfering with powers like the Tribunal…" Holland looked around the room, rearranging the papers in front of him. Some of the demons and a couple of lawyers Lindsey recognized as members of the board nodded quietly.

"Which is why I suggest that we begin the project immediately," he added, looking straight at Lindsey this time.

"With all do respect, Holland, I'm not sure Darla's ready…" he said.

"Nonsense, Lindsey. Now, tell her that I will be at your office right after my two o'clock with the senator. I'm taking Darla to the White Room." Lilah shifted in her seat.

"Sir, maybe _I_ should- " she said quickly.

"I'll handle this myself, Lilah, thank you," Holland told her. The young brunette leaned back in her chair resignedly.

-

The moment Lindsey stepped back into his office, Darla looked up from the old volume on vampire genealogy she'd been leafing through. Her attention immediately turned to him and she shut the book and put it from her lap onto the desk.

"What did they say? It _was_ about me, wasn't it?" she said.

"Most of it, yeah. Angel's becoming too much of a threat so they want to start the project as soon as possible."

"Project?" There was a flicker of suspicion in the blonde woman's eyes. "What do they want me to do, exactly?"

"I don't know exactly. Holland is accompanying you upstairs in a couple of hours. You're going to the White Room, you'll find out there."

"What's in the White Room?" she asked. She was willing to help the company, but this explanation seemed suspiciously vague and she had learned a long time ago that she couldn't trust anyone.

"Beats me. I've never been there. It's supposed to form a direct link to the Senior Partners," he replied truthfully. For a moment, he paused and stared at the carpeted floor. Then he looked back up at her. "Darla, after you get back… would you consider telling me what they said?" he asked. He realized he was taking a risk if this went against the Senior Partners' wishes, but he didn't want to be kept out of the loop on this one. He wanted to find out what the White Room was before Lilah did, he wanted in on the plan to get back at Angel, but most of all he wanted to be clear on what they wanted Darla to do…

"Of course," she said without hesitation. "You want to surpass Lilah, don't you?" she added with a twinkle in her eyes that Lindsey hadn't seen before. It took him by surprise and he was captured by those beautiful grey eyes. The amused look made way for a questioning one, so he quickly regained his composure.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," he said with a grin, and they both laughed.

A silence fell between them. Lindsey sat down at his desk and intended to get some work done, but instead he just looked at Darla as she played with her hair. She seemed to be thinking. Finally, she spoke up.

"Before- you said that he's taken from both of us. Angel. What did he take from you?" she asked, her eyes gliding over his face. He didn't say anything but simply lifted his hand, showing her the prosthetic. She nodded slowly.

"I thought so. I'd been meaning to ask you, but I thought that maybe you didn't want to discuss it. Angel did that?" she asked. Lindsey nodded and walked over to sit down in the armchair next to hers.

"He killed you, and he severed my hand. I don't know exactly why the Senior Partners brought you back and what they've got planned for Angel; but you're the plan, Darla…" She nodded and leaned back in her chair.

"I know."

"Listen. To the Senior Partners this is a business move. Angel is a threat and they want to see him eliminated. To me it's a little more personal than that." He put his prosthetic hand on her soft white one that was resting on the arm of her chair. For a moment she looked startled and ready to pull her hand back, but then she relaxed. He looked at her and took in those soft features.

"I guess it's personal to you too. Angel and I have never been friends, but you and him were together for over a century… And he betrayed you…" he said, slowly and softly in that southern drawl of his.

"My boy… I trusted him and he betrayed me. He killed me…" her voice grew softer and her eyes darkened as the truth sank in.

"I'll help you, Lindsey. We'll take back what he stole from us," she spoke in that quiet, velvety voice of hers. "Together, we'll take back what is ours. Our life, our dignity…"

-

Lindsey was sitting at his desk and fiddled distractedly with his expensive pen, the exact same way he'd been sitting for the last hour. The moment Holland had come round to take Darla to the White Room he had decided to catch up on some work, but it was no use. When Darla was in the room, he hardly got anything done, but when she wasn't, it was even worse.

Come on man, get a grip. She can take care of herself. Besides, she's not thinking' of you either, so focus.

He turned his attention back to the folder in front of him and began making up the contract, talking out loud as he typed.

"Within the legislation of – what's keeping them so long?" Realizing this was hopeless, he sighed and closed the file before turning his chair around to look out of the window.

This was not a smart thing he was doing, he realized that. Not smart at all. Darla was in the employment of Wolfram Hart for a specific reason. She was the means to an end. He knew all of this, and on top of that he was pretty sure the Senior Partners would want her to get close to Angel. But the thought of Darla and Angel together almost drove him mad with jealousy. Just the idea of the vampire's fingers running through her hair, tracing patterns on her skin…

Lindsey shivered. The thought alone was enough to make him want to kill Angel with his bare hands.

_Who am I kidding? I can't even use both my hands_… he thought bitterly, looking at the plastic prosthetic hand.

He looked up when he heard the door open and close. Darla walked in and sank in her armchair, looking tired. Hesitant to ask her what happened, Lindsey twirled his pen in his hand and looked at the young woman. She was sprawled out in the chair, her eyes closed but her fingers running through her hair in a nervous move.

Slowly, he got up and walked up to her until he was standing behind the chair. He softly started to stroke her hair and this time she didn't freeze up, not even for a second. He smiled to himself as he felt her relax.

Darla leaned back into his touch, tilting her head until she could see his face. She'd never seen him look at her like this. She'd never seen _anyone_ look at her like this. When she was human, she hadn't exactly been lucky in love, and during her time with Angelus they'd both been consumed by passion. This was different. Lindsey looked like he _cared_ for her…

"They let me know what they want me to do…" she finally said, afraid to break the comfortable silence that had grown between them. Lindsey never stopped stroking her hair, but she could feel that he was waiting.

"Dreams. I'm going to get to Angel in his dreams."

-

TBC (Chapter 3 will be done after the weekend, please let me know what you think of it so far!)


	3. Chapter 3: Untouched

**Chapter 3: Untouched**

Darla closed her eyes and let the hot water wash over her head and her hands, washing away the remnants of the calynthia powder on her fingertips. She'd hardly been able to use it to keep Angel dreaming last night before that young woman had come into his bedroom and she'd had to slip out.

_Angel and his cases_. She smirked and fought the urge to roll her eyes. _Helping the helpless. Really_.

When she emerged from the bathroom five minutes later, wearing a white silk robe and a towel wrapped around her head, Lindsey was sitting in his usual chair, reading the morning paper like he always did. The table was full of food: bacon and eggs, waffles, cereal, fruit, toast and… She smiled when Lindsey looked up and pointed at a plate of chocolates.

"Mornin'. Chocolate? I had them imported, they arrived this morning while you were still asleep."

"I would love some chocolate," she said with a glance at the plate of beautifully manufactured chocolates. He looked at her and to his big surprise, she was actually smiling. He put down his paper and smirked.

"Is this like every other breakfast, lunch and dinner, when you say you like the food but don't actually eat it?" he said, one eyebrow raised in scepticism. Darla didn't say anything, she just reached for the plate and put one of the pretty little works of art in her mouth, closely followed by a second one.

"It's been… ages since I've eaten something this good," she said, her mouth still half full. "I used to _love_ chocolate back in the colony, but this… This is something else altogether. I like it."

"Good to know," Lindsey answered, a small smile tugging at his lips. He glanced at her as she sat down and unwrapped another chocolate before he pretended to turn his attention back to the train wreck in India. "Had any good dreams lately?" he added casually. Darla smiled a wicked little smile.

"I know someone who has… My poor boy, he has no idea what he's in for… You know," she said while she rested her elbows on the table, "dreams are funny things. They're just random connections our brain makes, aren't they? And yet people are always compelled to think that their subconscience is showing them the absolute truth in their dreams. They _have_ to see a deeper meaning…" She smiled, mostly to herself. "Foolish… They believe so easily…"

"And what does Angel believe now, exactly?" Lindsey asked with a curious frown.

"Lindsey, Lindsey,… I'm not going to share our dreams with you, so you can stop fishing for information," she replied with another wicked grin. Lindsey raised his eyebrows and leaned across the table.

"It's _my_ project Darla, I _have_ to know what's going on," he told her with a incredibly self-assured little smile on his face.

"Wolfram & Hart already knows too much about me – if not everything. But Angel…" She paused and laughed softly. "He's almost convinced. Convinced that his friends don't know who he really is and that the innocents he's protecting are ungrateful for his help. Soon he'll be estranged from everyone, and then…" She snapped her fingers, still smiling, and Lindsey couldn't help but smile back.

"We're right on track then. The Senior Partners'll be glad to hear that." He checked his watch. "Which reminds me, I gotta get going. I'm meeting with Holland in half an hour."

"Well, you know what they say. No rest for the wicked," Darla said sweetly. Lindsey grinned while he grabbed his coat.

"Speaking of which, Angel is probably asleep right now. D'you want me to drop you off at the hotel?" he asked. Just the suggestion made his stomach clench, but he decided to ignore the feeling. Everything was going according to plan and he wasn't going to let anything ruin it, least of all his own emotions.

"Give me five minutes?" she said. As she walked into the bedroom to change, she turned around and looked at him over her shoulder. "Oh and Lindsey? You might want to talk to Lilah."

"Was she in my office again?" he said. He wouldn't be surprised if she had. That woman would do anything to get ahead in the firm.

"Yes. More importantly, she isn't very good at controlling that little protegee of hers either."

"The young woman? What's her name… Bethany?" Lindsey replied with a frown. "Was she the reason you were back again so quickly last night?" Darla nodded.

* * *

"What do you think you're playing at, Lilah?" 

Lilah looked a bit startled when Lindsey suddenly stormed into her office, but she immediately regained her composure.

"I'm in a meeting, Lindsey," she said coolly, waving her hand at two junior accountants who were sitting across the desk. He noticed she was still sporting the black eye Bethany had given her, she hadn't bothered to camouflage it. If anything, it probably made her seem more intimidating to the young men on the other side of the desk. Lindsey ignored them and stepped right up to his associate.

"You let that young girl escape – right into Angel's arms! She came into his bedroom last night when Darla was there. She barely managed to hide, and she had to leave before he was awake enough to sense her in the room!"

"Ah, we'll come back later, when it's more convenient…" one of the two young men said nervously. They gave each other a cowering look before grabbing their files and rushing out. Lilah rolled her eyes.

"They won't last the month. Thank you Lindsey, you just got me out of a very dull meeting. Who wants to hear about finances anyway?" she said, flashing him a sweet smile.

"Don't change the subject, Lilah," he said in a dangerous tone of voice. "Not only did we lose valuable hours, but do you have _any_ idea how close she came to getting caught? If Angel had woken up to find her in his bed…"

"… he would've thought he was still dreaming and given her his best performance," she said with a smirk that only grew more pronounced when she saw Lindsey's eyes shooting daggers at her. "I'm sorry Lindsey, was that offensive?" Lindsey tried his best not to punch her good eye and let out a low snarl.

"If Darla had been caught…"

"… you would have swooped in to rescue her like a fairytale prince on a white horse." She paused and looked at him with her head tilted. "That _is_ what you _want_, isn't it Lindsey?"

"What I _want_, Lilah," he shot back, leaning onto the desk so his face was level with hers, "is for you to focus on your own cases, and fail on your own time." He smiled as he took a step back and straightened his jacket.

"But from what Holland tells me, that won't be a problem. You don't get that girl back, and the Senior Partners are not gonna be all too happy. Have a good afternoon, Lilah," he said as he walked out. Before he closed the door behind him, he looked back at her.

"And Lilah? Stay the hell out of my office."

* * *

The sharp ringing of his office phone pulled Lindsey from his daydream. Well, they were more nightmares than they were dreams. He sighed and rushed his hands through his hair. He didn't need calynthia powder to be controlled by what his dreams made him believe, especially when it involved Angel and Darla… 

He blinked and reached for the phone as he glanced at his watch. Almost seven pm. He hadn't done anything all afternoon.

"Lindsey McDonald…" he said. "Holland, hello. Yeah I'm still here. No, that's no problem at all. See you in a couple of minutes," he replied when Holland Manners asked if this was a bad time for him to drop in.

He hung up the phone and rapped his fingers on the desktop nervously. It wasn't like he'd been doing anything useful, and Holland always seemed to know every little detail about him. He pulled some pending files from his desk drawer and started reading them, just in case. He hadn't been working for more than five minutes when he heard the door open and saw Holland enter without bothering to knock.

"Evening Lindsey. Working hard, I see?" the older man said with a leering smile as he sat down and looked around. "I like what you've done with my office…" Without waiting for a response, he went on. "Lilah's client, the young girl, left her care and went home."

"Really. When did this happen?" Lindsey said, not bothering to hide the glee in his voice.

"Fifteen minutes ago. Bad news travels fast here, as you probably know. Now, I'm sure you're well aware that the Senior Partners are not very happy with the way Lilah has handled this case."

"I can imagine," he replied. Involuntarily, he felt a bit bad for Lilah. He wouldn't wish the Senior Partners' bad mood on anyone. It passed quickly, however. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Lindsey, I'm looking out for you. This is the perfect moment for you to take the next step on your project. If you can eliminate the threat that Angel forms, it would ensure them that you can do great things for the firm." Lindsey nodded to show that he understood.

"That sounds good in theory Holland, but we're not ready yet. Angel hasn't been manipulated enough. I know we should go to the next step sooner rather than later, but if we do it right now, we risk the corruption of the entire project," he said. Holland looked at him, his smile never leaving his face.

"It's your decision, Lindsey. I'm just here to give you a piece of advice, you choose what you do with it. But knowing the vampire like we do, it won't take him much longer to realize that there's truth behind his dreams."

"I understand…" Lindsey said. "But I'll give it a couple more days." He paused and hoped that Holland wouldn't mind, but Holland said nothing. He just nodded and kept smiling an understanding smile. For a moment Lindsey hesitated, then he decided for himself that this was the best time to ask.

"Darla doesn't know what the rest of the plan is, does she?" he asked. He'd been wondering this for nearly two weeks, ever since Holland had informed him of the ultimate purpose to Darla's return. The older man shook his head. "She doesn't know that we want him dark, that we want him on our side? Shouldn't we tell her? I think it would make it easier for her to play her part, and I doubt she'd mind." Holland made an 'go ahead' signal with his hands.

"If you want to," he said simply as he got up. "This is your case after all, isn't it Lindsey? But that being said, it's seven thirty on a Friday evening. Why don't you go home and relax," he added kindly. Like always, Lindsey had no idea if he was sincere, but didn't really care.

After Holland had left, Lindsey started packing his briefcase again. He couldn't shake off the uncomfortable feeling that there was something Holland wasn't telling him…

* * *

It was past ten when he got home, and the dozens of lit candles burning all over the apartment told Lindsey that Darla was around somewhere. _Two centuries after the industrial revolution and she still prefers candlelight_, he thought with a smile. 

"Darla?" he asked while he tossed his keys on the table.

"In here," her voice came drifting from his bedroom. Before he had time to wonder what she was doing in his bedroom, he heard the opening and closing of his closet doors. With a frown, he walked over and looked into the room. The doors to the walk-in closet were wide open and from inside came stumbling noises.

"Hey Darla," he said, a little bit stumped. "Do I wanna ask what you're doing in my closet?"

"I'm going through your things." her heard her say. Her silky voice was muffled but the amused tone in it was almost tangible. "Come on Lindsey, I've been dead for nearly four years. Can't a girl have a little fun?" Only seconds later, she came walking out, holding up his guitar.

"You play?" she asked while she sat down on the bed, one leg tucked under her, the guitar resting on the other one.

"I _did_," was Lindsey's simple reply as he showed the prosthetic and sat down next to her.

"All those years, and I've never learned to play a single instrument," she said, her head tilted. "Seems like a shame. On the other hand, I would have probably given up after a couple of tries." She turned her head towards him and gave him another wicked little smile. "I've never exactly been patient."

"It's not that hard. Come here," he said. He scooted over until he was sitting right beside her, legs touching, and turned the guitar so it rested partly on her leg and partly on his own. She drew in an expecting breath when he put the plastic hand over her small one and started mimicking the strumming patterns.

_He's missed this so much_, Darla thought as she glanced from her hand that was brushing the strings to Lindsey's face. He was trying out different chords with his left hand, a concentrated but at the same time relaxed look in his eyes.

As they sat there while the evening turned into night, she couldn't help but feel amazed. Lindsey seemed so lost in time that she felt she could do or say anything, and he wouldn't even notice. For the first time since she'd known him, he was a person and not just a lawyer. She smiled, softly and to herself.

* * *

Lindsey felt as if he came out of a trance. He blinked and looked through the French doors that showed them the lights of downtown L.A. In the east, the sky was already turning a soft pink. 

"What time is it?" he asked, a let out a surprised breath when he glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. "Five-thirty?" he answered his own question. Darla stifled a yawn. She hadn't realized how tired she was until now.

"I guess I need human sleeping patterns now, too," she said. "Such a pity…" Handing Lindsey the guitar, she got up from the bed and walked over to the doors that opened onto the balcony. She looked out over the neon city lights and the soft pallet of pastels that was slowly making its way up the sky.

"I've always preferred the night… but I've missed sunrises," she said softly. Lindsey wasn't really sure if she was talking to him or to herself but he decided to risk it. He quietly put the guitar down and walked up to her until he stood right next to her as she overlooked the city.

"It is beautiful. Although I doubt that a lot of people in this city appreciate it…" He was only inches away from her and she could hear his warm voice humming in her ear. Closing her eyes involuntarily, she replied quickly and matter-of-factly.

"I think Angel's almost ready. I just have to make sure that I speed up the amount and the frequency of his dreams. With the calynthia powder I can control his dreams even from right here. A couple more days and he won't know what's real and what's not," she said, still looking at the sunrise as a knowing smile crept onto her lips.

Lindsey turned to look directly at her. For the last month, he'd devised the plans while Darla worked out the practical side, and usually he trusted her strategies, but here was something she'd conveniently forgotten to tell him.

"You can control him from here? Then what were all those trips to his hotel room for?" he asked with a frown. Darla laughed and turned towards him. Lindsey blinked. Had she moved closer to him, or was he imagining things?

"I had to slip him the powder one way or another, didn't I? Besides," she said with a big smile as she lifted her head up to his, "as I said, can't a girl have a little fun?"

Despite himself, Lindsey laughed when he saw the sparkles in her eyes. She was nothing like the frightened little creature they'd brought back. She was a strong, smart woman and he was trying really hard to stop himself from kissing her.

"You're a piece of work," was all he said, shaking his head and laughing. She was standing only a few inches away now. Her perfume filled his nostrils and he could hear her every breath… His hand hovered at his side, desperate to caress her cheek but unsure if he should.

Then, just as suddenly, she turned her attention back to the window.

"So, your plans for Angel are moving along nicely. I'm sure the Senior Partners will be thrilled," she said dryly. Lindsey took a deep breath to come back to his senses but he didn't flinch a muscle.

"Yeah, everything's going pretty well. Almost time for the next step…" Lindsey replied, hoping his voice sounded steady enough. It wouldn't be long now, as long as nothing went wrong…

* * *

TBC 


	4. Chapter 4: Dear Boy

**Chapter 4: Dear Boy**

"He's falling apart." Darla was standing by the desk in Lindsey's office. The room was still darkened. He watched her as she spoke and suppressed a smile.

"That's wonderful. Unhinging a man with all his particular and weaknesses takes a lot of work," he replied. Things had gone a lot easier than he'd expected, both Darla's recovery and her influence on Angel had progressed a lot faster than he'd dared to hope. Darla however didn't seem that impressed.

"I created a lot of those strengths and weaknesses. I think I have a pretty good handle on them," she told him, her mind flashing back to her century together with Angelus. She smiled slowly and softly.

"We're counting on that. You've given us more information on Angel than we had when he first got here. Nobody knows him better than you do… Especially the side we're interested in," he said, tossing a large manila envelope on his desk. Darla stepped closer to him, an inquisitive look in her big grey eyes.

"So, what is the plan exactly? - I tease him to death?" she said sarcastically. Lindsey couldn't help but smirk. Now seemed to be the time to fill her in on their plans for the vampire, he thought.

"We don't want him dead," he told her. "We want him dark. And there is no better way to a man's dark side than to awaken his… nastier urges, is there?" Darla looked at him, a small smile tugging at her lips. So he didn't want to kill Angel, he wanted him on their side.

_Why choose simple revenge when he might still serve a purpose. It is so like a lawyer to think that way_, she thought to herself. It was obvious that Lindsey was just as hellbent on getting to Angel as she was. Her eyes fell on his artificial hand.

"He did that to you," she said, remembering what he'd told her. "What's it feel like?"

"Doesn't feel like anything," he replied simply. It wasn't what she had meant and they both knew it, but if he didn't want to talk about it, then she wasn't going to insist.

"Can I?" she said after a moment's pause while she motioned towards the plastic hand. When he didn't reply, she slowly reached out and stroked it. "It's very smooth…" she murmured, and then, realising it was just an object, "You don't feel anything." It was a statement, not a question. She was standing so close now that Lindsey could feel the heat coming from her body. He took a deep breath.

"Not in my hand," he answered, steadying his voice. Darla smiled and took a step back, walking over to the dresser as if she was reminiscing again. She seemed to do that a lot. "How is it - seeing him again?" he asked. Darla turned away , looking intently at a small statue on the polished oak dresser.

"It's strange." She didn't know how else to put it. She'd never been in this situation before. She even doubted anyone had ever been in her situation before, actually. He'd killed her… Lindsey seemed to have read her mind.

"He betrayed you," he stated. Darla smiled softly, as if a young child had said something adorably naieve.

"Everyone betrays you, that's not what eats you in the long winter's night..." she told him, playing with the scales on the small statue of Justice. Lindsey tilted his head and watched her.

"Yeah? What does?"

"Missed opportunities. He got a soul and it sickened me," she said, a look of disgust on her face. "All that power… wasted on a whiny mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs." She let out a frustrated sigh. Lindsey tried not to snicker. He knew exactly how she felt.

"Our plans for Angel are a little more long term than that, but if you can't help yourself, then by all means, be my guest," he replied dryly. Darla gave him an almost cheerful smile.

"You're fun for a human."

_So are you_, Lindsey thought to himself

* * *

Lindsey smiled and shook his head as he heard Darla's little performance through the microphone. Everything had gone as planned. Darla was using the name and life of DeEtta Kramer, and judging from the way Angel had acted when he'd seen her earlier that day, Lindsey was sure the police would be convinced that he was a stalker. Especially that detective Lockley. She'll believe anything that's marked 'Angel is bad news', he thought with a smile.

"Woman should have her own series," he chuckled as he heard Darla make a frantic 911-call to 'report' Angel. The clicking of heels made him look up. Lilah strode into his office and didn't stop until she was right next to him. He covered the microphone on his headset and gave her an irritated stare.

"Do you mind, Lilah? I'm kinda busy right now."

"Relax. I just came to drop this off," she said casually, pulling a contract in a leather binder from her briefcase and tossing it on the polished desktop.

"What's that?" he asked with a frown, his mind momentarily distracted from the matter at hand.

"A housing contract. Holland asked me to pass it along. Apparently the general opinion upstairs is that Darla is coherent and stable enough to live on her own. They've arranged for a guesthouse for out-of-town clients," Lilah answered with a chipper look on her face.

"Right. And you're sure this isn't just a trick to write her off the expense accounts?" he replied, one eyebrow raised in scepticism. It wasn't as if he could blame them, it was a smart thing to do and it saved the company money. He just wasn't sure he liked the idea of Darla moving out.

Lilah tossed a set of keys at him. In a reflex he reached out to pick them out of the air, but he'd chosen the wrong hand. They keys bumped against the plastic prosthetic and landed with a soft thud on the carpeted floor. Lilah was practically grinning. He felt like hitting himself.

I should've seen that coming a mile away.

"You can tell your girlfriend that after she's done using the Kramer house for this little operation of yours, she can move in rightaway."

This brought Lindsey's mind back to the matter at hand. He gave Lilah a small wave of his hand to show that he'd heard her and focused on his headset again; but all he could hear now were background noises that seemed to belong to the police.

"Darla?" he said, sharpening his ears. There was no response.

"Darla?"

* * *

"Never mind, she's here," Lindsey said into the phone when he heard the key in the lock. As he hung up, he heard Darla slam the door shut. The next moment she stormed in, tossing her key into the glass bowl on the dresser with such force that a crack appeared in it.

"Darla, what happened? I've been on the phone for hours, tryin' to find out where he took you." Darla never broke stride and marched straight into the guest bedroom where she was staying.

"Shut up Lindsey, I don't want to talk about it," she snapped and slammed the door shut. Lindsey blinked but immediately followed her into the room. He leaned against the doorframe and looked at her. She was sitting on the bed, every muscle in her body flexed in her anger.

"We were hoping that maybe you'd been able to make Angel lose his soul but from the look of things, I assume it didn't go all that well," he said. Darla shot him an evil glare.

"I _said_ I didn't want to talk about it," she said in a low, menacing voice. Lindsey didn't move an inch, he just kept looking at her with his hands tucked in his pockets. Darla let out an angry sigh and rolled her eyes. "If I had my vampire strength, I swear I would be playing with your entrails right now," she added, and the look in her eyes made sure she wasn't joking. Lindsey's eyebrow soared but he didn't flinch.

"No, I don't think you would be," he said calmly as he sat down beside her. She chuckled.

"You're right, I'd probably be playing with Angel's entrails…" She paused, thinking about the things the vampire had said to her. She let out another sigh and pulled her legs onto the bed. "It's no use Lindsey. He's never going to let me turn him dark again, he's too goddamn noble," she spoke, anger rising in her voice again. She felt like she needed to kill –or at least punch– someone to vent her frustrations. "I hate feeling this powerless…"

Suddenly, Lindsey dropped a set of keys into her lap.

"What are these for?"

"Your new apartment. Our bosses think you've done a great job so far, and they pride themselves on rewarding good work." He got up from the bed and started to pace around the room, thinking. Finally, he stopped and watched her as she played with the keys.

"Personally, I think that if you just let Angel calm down for a couple of days, he'll only become more obsessed. Trust me, I don't think he'll be able to stay away for too long. But until then, you can feel free to take the week off. Of course, if you'd rather not move out…" he trailed off. Darla looked up at him, a blank look in her eyes.

"When can I leave?"

* * *

"You wanted to see me, Holland?" Lindsey said after his boss had buzzed him into the large upstairs office.

"Ah, Lindsey. Yes of course, come in. Make your self at home," Holland Manners replied with a smile on his face. There had been a time when Lindsey would have been nervous as hell if his boss asked him to come to his office, but these days he wasn't as easily intimidated. And strangely enough, Holland seemed to pick up on it and confide in him more _because_ of it.

"Now, I suppose you're asking yourself why I requested for us to have this little private meeting," Manners said matter-of-factly as Lindsey sat down in one of the black leather armchairs.

"I'm guessing it has something to do with our plan for Angel," he replied calmly.

"Exactly. The vampire is always one step ahead of us. Last week, when he kidnapped Darla from under our noses, he could have ruined everything."

"Yes, about that, I know things went wrong and I'll make sure…" Lindsey said, hurrying to apologize for the plan going wrong, but the older man stopped him with a simply wave of his hand.

"Don't worry Lindsey, nobody is blaming you for anything. It was out of your control. Besides, everything worked out alright in the end, didn't it?" he said cheerfully. "Darla made contact and lived to tell the tale. I think that's the best that could be expected for a first encounter, don't you?"

Lindsey blinked. Holland thought that everything had gone well? Then why…?

"I'm glad you think so, Holland. But if everything went according to plan, then why did you want to see me?" he said with a slight frown. Holland didn't reply immediately, but simply flicked through a stack of manila envelopes on his desk. Then he looked up with another smile.

"And how is Darla doing?"

Lindsey hadn't seen that coming.

"Darla? I don't know, I haven't seen her since she moved into the apartment Wolfram & Hart got her into. I thought we'd decided to shut down contact between her and the firm for a while?" a confused Lindsey asked. "But I guess she's fine, why wouldn't she be?" Manners didn't even blink.

"Well, in that case, we think it's time that she made contact with Angel again."

"Are you sure? From what Darla told me, Angel was not exactly… happy to see her last time. He threatened her. What if he follows up on those threats?"

"Don't be silly Lindsey. Angel would never be capable of harming a human being. It's not in his nature." Lindsey wasn't so sure, but he decided for himself not to get into it, so he just nodded while he looked at his fake hand.

_I know what Angel is capable of…_

"So, Lindsey, you should pay our little embodiment of blonde ambition a visit, and tell her to contact Angel again as soon as possible. And try not to be noticed. Now that Angel and the P.D. are fully involved in the matter, it's better if we're not linked directly to Darla. Just in case people start asking questions."

"That won't be a problem," Lindsey replied while he got up from his chair.

"Oh, and it would be best if she didn't come into the office anymore either. From now on, you're our only direct link to Darla."

* * *

Half an hour later, Lindsey knocked on the door to Darla's comfortable apartment in a small residential area near Melrose.

"Darla? It's me," he said to the door. There were stumbling noises inside, but nothing to indicate that Darla was on her way to open the door.

_Maybe she's in trouble. Maybe there's a burglar inside_… He immediately smirked at his own stupid thoughts. Darla was a lot tougher than your average burglar, he told himself. She'd have him on a bread knife within seconds.

From inside came the sound of shattering glass.

"Darla? Are you okay?" he asked as he knocked again, louder this time. Moments later, the door opened a crack and Darla's face looked straight at him. Her eyes were red and her hair was tangled. Lindsey gave her a worried glance-over.

"What happened? You okay?" he asked. "Can I come in?" She just nodded mutely, held the door open and smiled a rueful little smile.

"You don't need an invitation."

"No, I just thought it'd be polite," he said with a small smile as he walked in. The smile immediately faded from his face when the shards of glass caught his eye. Pieces of the large hallway mirror were shattered all across the floor.

"What happened here?"

"Nothing," she replied quickly, defensively. "Nothing happened. I stumbled, that's all."

He gave her an unconvinced look but didn't say anything. Instead, he just bent down beside her to help her pick the glass out of the carpet. They worked together in silence for a while, and Darla hoped like crazy that he wouldn't ask any more questions. She was so exhausted that she felt like she wouldn't be able to gather the strength to dismiss them. Finally, she let out a sigh and slumped down on the hallway carpet.

"Why are you here, Lindsey?" she asked, running a hand through her tussled blonde hair.

"The partners would like you to make contact with Angel again," he said without looking up from the carpet. It didn't matter though, he could still feel her eyes burning on his skin.

"Angelus… We did so many horrible things together…" she answered softly. It sounded like she was talking to herself, but when he looked up, she was staring at him with a questioning look in her eyes. "What about you, Lindsey? Do _you_ want me to go back to Angel too?" she asked, her grey eyes boring straight into his soul.

_Hell no_, he thought.

"Well, I think it'd be wiser to wait another couple of days. From what you told me, I think it's best to let him cool off and get his thoughts straight," he said, forcing his voice to sound business-like. Darla nodded and smiled again, a little more relaxed.

"Me too. Thanks Lindsey," she said softly. Lindsey blinked. He hadn't heard her thank anyone since she was revived, least of all him. "I think I'm going to lie down, I'm not feeling too well," she added numbly. Lindsey nodded as he got up and put the pieces of glass in the dustbin.

"Okay. Take care, Darla. I'll call you tomorrow to see how you're doing," he replied. He held out his hand to pull her onto her feet, but she got up on her own, straightening her skirt. Lindsey's hand dropped to his side and he headed for the door.

"I will. Bye Lindsey," she spoke as she held the door open. She waited till he'd walked out and down the flight of stairs. Then she closed the door, slumped down against it and broke down in sobs.

* * *

It was 3AM by the time Lindsey finally started to drift off. A rare rainstorm was rattling on his bedroom windows, rocking him slowly to sleep. It barely lasted more than five minutes however, before a loud thump on his door made him sit bolt upright. The knocking continued, so Lindsey grabbed his switchblade from the nightstand and hurried to the door, unlocking it and jerking it open in one quick movement.

The knife almost fell out of his hand when he saw Darla. She was soaked from the heavy rain and her face was tear-stricken. He didn't ask what had happened, but simply held the door open so she could walk in. She turned around to watch him as he locked up again.

"I didn't know where else to go," she said, her voice cracking.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Lindsey was lying on his back in bed, wide-eyed and staring at the ceiling. He could hear Darla turn off the shower in the next room. Closing his eyes, he tried his best to think about something else.

"Lindsey?" Her soft voice made his eyes shoot open. She was standing in the doorway, her silhouette clear against the bright light in the living room, and she was wearing one of his old shirts while her own clothes were drying in the bathroom. Tears were welling up in her eyes again, pulling him out of his fantasies and back into reality.

"I can see all of them, Lindsey. So many people died…" she spoke, barely audible. Without thinking twice, Lindsey sat up and scooted over so she could sit down next to him. "So many of them… Every time I close my eyes I see them…" she kept murmuring while she walked over to the bed.

Darla had hoped the shower had cleared out her mind, but the moment she sat down on the bed, images flooded her mind again. Massacred servants, mutilated convent girls, young children covered in their parents' blood, crying out for their mother,…

Putting her face in her hands, she cried out in despair. Even though the sound was muffled through her hands, it threw Lindsey off. Still he didn't hesitate and pulled her close to him, holding her tight and stroking her hair while she started sobbing against his chest. Her closeness was so overwhelming that he could hardly breathe.

"They're just nightmares," he said finally, feeling the urge to comfort her.

"They're not nightmares, Lindsey." She lifted her head, looking at him with eyes full of pain and horror. "They're memories."

"D'you wanna talk about it?"

"No. No, I don't want to talk about it." She didn't want to tell him about the things that played over and over again in her mind's eye whenever she closed her eyes. Her hands ripping out a little girl's throat. Her fingers trailing along the soft, warm skin of a young man's stomach, only seconds before slicing him open and feasting on his innards.

She was a monster. An animal. She knew that now.

* * *

TBC 


End file.
